- being aware of your emotions (personal awareness),
- knowing how to manage your emotions (personal management),
- being aware of another's emotions (socially aware, and
- knowing how to manage relationships (relationship management).
In this blog, I will address the first of the four skills -- being aware of your emotions.
Remember a time when time when things were going well. You were happy. You expressed your emotions in a way that all wanted to share in your happiness. What about a time when you were mad? A time when you were biting the tops of soda cans and were eyeballing the water tower. Everybody was looking to get out of your way.
What is common to both events? Your physical responses. How you knew what was happening to you as the event was taking place. Think of a time when you were happy. What were your physical responses? Smiling, relaxed, enjoying all that was happening. Now, think of a time when you were mad. What were your physical responses? Clenching fists, face muscles tightening, rapid breathing, gritting your teeth, etc.
Our first step is improving our ability to recognize what is happening to us emotionally. As we improve this skill, we will be able to manage those emotions to have control to have better relationships and to continue improving our EQ.
Next, we will discuss personal management.
My last two blogs were about your personal competence - self-awareness and self- management of your emotions. Now let’s discuss the first component of the second competency – social competence.
What is social awareness? Is it knowing what to wear? Is it knowing the political protocol? Just what is social awareness? The short answer of social awareness is being aware of the emotions of other people.
Why do we care what others emotions are? When we are aware of the emotions of others we can better manage our response to them. When you sit in a meeting do you observe what is going on in the room? Do you see those subtle silent clues that are indicators which may have an impact on the outcome of the meeting? Sometimes the clues are not quiet silent or subtle but could be a deflection to send us in another direction.
Think about a recent meeting where you have been a participant. Close your eyes. Visualize the individuals present. What was happening with each one of them? Was one shifting uncomfortably in their seat or another dominating a conversation or another that was completely checked out mentally? Now that you have them visualized, how did their behaviors impact the outcome of the meeting?
The next blog will discuss the last skill of emotional intelligence - watch for this one to be posted soon.
One would think emotions of joy could be expressed at anytime, right? Wrong. Many of us have had those emotions of joy and other happy thoughts where we learned the expression of our joy was not appropriate. Can you remember a time when this happened to you? Do you remember the outcome? Generally when this occurs you say to yourself, “I wished I had not said that or acted in that manner?” Such occasions are rare.
The flip side of the coin is when we let those emotions of anger, mistrust, and other such bed fellows take us to the dark side where we wished we had never gone. How do we stop from going to the dark side? Sometimes it happens in a twinkling of an eye while other times it takes a very small amount of time to move us to where we wish we had not gone.
First regardless of the emotion we must recognize the emotion and determine our behavior before we act on the emotion. The first key is recognizing the emotion. The second key is once you recognize the emotion deciding on which is the best course of action to take. That answer, your course of action will depend on how well you have thought the event out.
Combined personal awareness and personal management create Personal Competence, one of two workplace Emotional Intelligence (EQ) competencies. Our next blog will begin to explore the first skill of the second workplace Emotional Intelligence (EQ) competency – Social Competence.
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For example, when we are happy our body tells us and everyone around us what is happening with us. Think about it. You are happy. Your eyes twinkle. You smile. You have lightness to your voice. You walk with a positive lilt. Everyone around you can see and feel your positive feeling. Most individuals will bask in those feelings with you. It is pleasant, even joyful to be around you.
Now think about the reverse of being happy. What happens when you are angry? Do you notice or recognize the first signs of becoming angry? Do you clinch your fist? Do you grit your teeth? Do you feel your heart rate increasing? What about your breathing? If you do not recognize these signs what happens? Do you slam doors as you leave the room? Do you shout or scream at the individual who is making you angry.
Now we have begun to identify positive and negative emotions, we will begin to explore self-management during our next blog.
Interested in learning more? Increase your skills for emotional intelligence!
We hear two words bantered around about how important emotional intelligence is in the workplace. What is Emotional Intelligence? Then to help confuse matters, it is common to see Emotional Intelligence followed by an (EQ) in parenthesis. Now I am getting really confused. Emotional Intelligence, EQ, EI and other combinations like EQ-i are popping up like wild weeds after a summer shower. What does it all mean?EQ stands for Emotional Quotient. This acronym EQ was one of the early attempts to identify emotional intelligence. Then along the way the acronym EQ-i appeared on the scene. This was an attempt to roll emotional quotient together with emotional intelligence. Today the phraseology has morphed into Emotional Intelligence (EQ) which appears to be the standard descriptor for the present.
Now, that the naming convention is taken care of, what does Emotional Intelligence (EQ) mean in the work place? Simply, it is how well do we know and manage our emotions in the workplace. The workplace is about relationships. The better we can manage the relationship, the more likely it is that we will be successful in the workplace.
The workplace relationship begins with our self, the individual. How well do we know our emotions? Once we recognize and know our emotions how well do we manage the emotion? The logical progression from this point is how well do we recognize emotions in others? Once we have learned to recognize the other’s emotions what do we do to create a win-win for both of us?
In the following weeks I will discuss each of the four skills in more detail. In the meantime I will leave you with two thoughts. Think about that person who knows where your hot buttons are and they push them. What is your response when this happen? The good thing to know is our brain can learn new responses. The great thing about the brain is its neuroplasticity which means the brain can learn new ways to replace the old responses which allows us to change the outcome.
Training will be held in Anchorage in April 2013.