So the new year is upon us, and the tradition is that we focus on resolutions for improvements. What is on your list?
The idea of upgrading your understanding of others, your communication skills - your emotional intelligence, in essence - is one resolution that will serve you well. To make the efforts fruitful, think about signing up for some coaching. Let’s work together to achieve your goals. Contact us!
Remember a time between you and another when you wished the outcome had been different. Think about the question you ask yourself, what could I have been done differently?î Take a moment and reflect on the following questions. Were you aware of their emotions? What was your response to their behavior? As they were exhibiting their emotions, what were your emotions? Were you angry? Did you feel that they had no right to go there? Did you grit your teeth, clench your fist or feel your heart pounding in your chest? Was your behavior mirroring their behavior?
Now think a recent event where you managed the situation to positive outcome. Again, ask yourself the earlier questions. What was different this time as compared to the time you wished had had a different outcome? You learned from the experience and managed the relationship differently. This is being aware. This is Relationship Management.
In the third skill, you must be aware of the other's emotions as well as your own emotions. Think about a time when another individual was displaying an unacceptable behavior. Do you think they were aware of the emotions? What lead you to believe they were not aware of their emotions? What clues were they exhibiting that led to this belief?
In this third skill, the ability to recognize the others emotions and to recognize our emotions at the same time is important. Have you ever been caught up in the emotion of the moment only to regret it later? On the other hand, to wish you had responded appropriately in the moment.
As you become more skilled at being able to be aware of both sets of emotions will lead to last of the four-workplace skills - better relationships.
Did you count to ten? Did you step back and take a deep breath? On the other hand, you possibly ask for a short break in a conversation. To use these techniques first you had to be aware of your feeling. Once you acknowledged your feeling (being aware), you can begin to manage those feelings.
There are many skills one can learn to manage emotions. Managing emotions is not suppressing the emotion or being nice. It is about being aware of the emotions and expressing them appropriately to manage the conversation. As we improve our ability to recognize our emotions and how to manage those emotions effectively, we can begin to use some of the same skills to recognize emotions in others.
Watch for discussion of the third skill, social awareness.
- being aware of your emotions (personal awareness),
- knowing how to manage your emotions (personal management),
- being aware of another's emotions (socially aware, and
- knowing how to manage relationships (relationship management).
In this blog, I will address the first of the four skills -- being aware of your emotions.
Remember a time when time when things were going well. You were happy. You expressed your emotions in a way that all wanted to share in your happiness. What about a time when you were mad? A time when you were biting the tops of soda cans and were eyeballing the water tower. Everybody was looking to get out of your way.
What is common to both events? Your physical responses. How you knew what was happening to you as the event was taking place. Think of a time when you were happy. What were your physical responses? Smiling, relaxed, enjoying all that was happening. Now, think of a time when you were mad. What were your physical responses? Clenching fists, face muscles tightening, rapid breathing, gritting your teeth, etc.
Our first step is improving our ability to recognize what is happening to us emotionally. As we improve this skill, we will be able to manage those emotions to have control to have better relationships and to continue improving our EQ.
Next, we will discuss personal management.